That is a question many have asked and few have known the answer. But we can always start from the beginning.
Born and raised in you guessed it, South Dakota. The town i grew up in had the population of what one block in NYC
has. It was a whopping 157 people. That was until the census a few years ago. Now it has dipped to 152. I am sure this is
a shock to many that small places like this still exist. It is much different from any place i have visited thus far.
Being from S.D i have fielded many questions from people raised in other states and lands. Some people asked
if we have cars. Some ask if we have electricity. And then they always bring up that your family tree has no branches on it.
I find none of these funny, except maybe the last one. But it is my homeland and i would not be who i am today if i had not
spent 18 years there learning as much about life as I could. Which in S.D, you learn how to drive at 5, then you get your
first DUI at 15. But you do work if you are raised in rural areas. Work that gives a huge advantage against anyone pampered
by the life of trust funds and SUV's. So that i am very great full for.
After the adolescent years flew by in
a haze of bong smoke and keystone thirty packs. It was that time to decide on that long awaited decision. Rot in So. Dak.
working shit job after shit job like others who have spent a LIFETIME there. Or use your newly earned freedom of adult hood
and bust outta that bitch. It took a couple years to find a way out. But unfortunately that way out came in the form of a
smooth talking, brightly dressed army recruiter.
He had my head FILLED with excitement of fun,travel,MONEY!! I
thought it was the greatest deal ever. I sign some papers, cut my hair and drop the pot smoking. Not such a bad deal. AND
i get paid and i get in shape for any betty's that might jock me. SIGN ME UP!!! All i had to do was pass a piss test and i
was in. So I failed 5 or 6 of them they brought to my house and said i'll pass one of them soon. I didn't really have any
intentions of doing so. But this is the UNREAL part. The recruiter calls me frantic and tells me to pack that bag, were going
to get you into the army today.Knowing i would fail the piss test i laughed....Not so fast Ol' Joe Shmoe. I get in his shit
ass 84 bronco that is like 7 feet off the ground and we take off for Sioux Falls S.D from Pierre. Half way there after wondering
if i should tell him I'm gonna fail the drug test, he reaches into his gray Jan-sport backpack and snags a white GNC shopping
bag out. You guessed it. This son of a bitch bought me a drink so i wouldn't piss hot and I would get in the army and he would
get his little blow-job or whatever it is they get when they sucker some kid into joining.
So thats the short
story of how Ol' Dakota Joe was duped into serving his country. I guess the next part would be my actual army service. I was
expecting all these mean drill Sgt's beating the shit out of dudes when they would mess up. NO. NOT AT ALL. Its all a big
mind game now. And a twisted one at that. I knew i made a mistake the first week and this wasn't for me. I could physically
do anything the military required. But i didn't approve of weaker soldiers being constantly fucked with. In my 16 months in
boot camp at ft. Knox i met some great people and i met some of the biggest tool-bag's i have met to date. And this is what
our military is filled with. Some stand up, really good, hardworking guys. And the other 25% ass-bags who suck so much penis
to get promoted they have permanent lock jaw. And i also seen some really nice kids who went completely insane BEFORE actually
going to an army unit. I heard a Drill tell a private his mother should have swallowed him. And that was almost a compliment
to what some drills would do to these poor, non combat made soldiers. I knew of a man who was forced to drink his own urine
cause they would not let him take a bathroom break, so he pissed in his canteen. Then the wanna be gods made him drink it.I
seen soldiers physically forced to low crawl on cement until their face bled. So needless to say, i just wanted out of basic
so i could do something to get me kicked out of this poor excuse for a job.
Next stop airborne school.
3 weeks of running and yelling and getting trashed on the weekends in that shit-hole Columbus Giorgia.Only thing amazing that
occurred in this three week period was a man I had met by the last name Damian. But what was special was his roster number
for airborne school. His number was 666. So his name is Damian, i believe Latin for devil. His roster number is 666. Creepy
for sure. But on the last day of jumps when i had did my last PLF(parachute landing fall) I seen their was an ambulance at
the Jump Zone. I had tracked down a dude I knew and got the 411. Our like friend Mr. Damian had gotten tangled with another
jumper and they both came down out of control and hit hard.Both jumpers were seriously injured. Chew on that for a bit.
Next stop Korea, BLAH BLAH BLAH alcoholic.
Next stop Ft. Campbell TN. This would be the unit i would
deploy in the coming months. The actual unit was the 101st Airborne, 3rd Brigade Infantry, 3rd Battalion , 187th infantry
Regiment "Rakkasans". It was a unit with a HUGE history of being successful in almost every combat mission. I think
they were also the only unit to take place in the take over of Afghanistan and the take over of Iraq.It was nicknamed "The
Lost Ranger Battalion". So more or less it was a shit-load of crazy infantry soldiers who are so well trained (brainwashed)
they pretty much don't feel pain and if you say you are hurt you are a vagina in their eyes and they force you to do work
till they think you are stronger. So this was the unit I called home for the remainder of my time in the Army. Which is good
if you were to deploy. What better unit then one that could do house raids blindfolded. So we trained,Trained,Trained,Trained,Trained
and never stopped doing physical training. Quarterly 20 mile ruck marches. Mandatory 8 mile ruck every Thursday in no less
then an hour and a half with no less then 40 pounds. So yeah, we were ready to go to Iraq.
Now this is the portion
I'm sure you would love all the details about the patrols, the missions, the food, the BLAH BLAH BLAH! And while I'm on this
subject, WHEN THE FUCK DID "Did you shoot anyone?" BECOME A COMMON QUESTION TO ASK SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN TO WAR!!!!
Why would anyone want to hear about that. OH I KNOW... CAUSE ALL THE MACHO FUCKS THAT ASK THAT HAVE NEVER USED A GUN THAT
CAN RIP BODIES APART!!! Anyways, thats a whole different topic that I do not wish to dabble in. Let me sum up the basics of
my "tour" of Iraq
SEPT 13th 2008 Fly to Iraq. First base was in Northern Iraq close to Tikrit.
We stayed around Bayji for 5 months until they dropped a surprise easter egg on us in march.We were given 48 hours to get
ready to take over for some shit ass division that could not do their job in Baghdad. We were told we should be in Iraq's
capital no longer then 2 months. 4 months later we head BACK to where we first were in Bayji to clean up what we had fixed
previously but had been fucked up by another shit ass division that sucks at life. Then we came home. (very abridged version)
And now I am back to the old stomping grounds to get some PEACE and QUIET. Both of which I have always been a big fan of.
The shirts are going to be more detailed AND have a stronger message in the near future :)
So thats about all i think you guys need to know for now. I do look forward to keeping this site updated and getting some
feedback from visitors. This is my first website and im excited to use it as a temporary soapbox for me to state my views
and slang some threads. Thank you anyone who read this.
Stay up ,
Dakota Joe
